Cheesy

Antol, chief historian for Galaxy 535AC, extracted his intelligence scanner and sighed. The same thing every time. A sapient civilization built themselves up to a high degree only to destroy themselves.

He looked at his apprentice, Willon. "What have you surmised from the ruins?"

"I would assess some type of fusion explosions took place all over this planet. Destruction and death occurred from the explosions and the resultant radiation. Apparently, this race was susceptible to radiation as a poison."

"Excellent. The scan of their language repositories, both on the printed trees and in their metal boxes, confirms your assessment. Let's return to the ship and see what the historic creator has produced."

Willon nodded. "What is the scanner output for the timeframe of destruction for this race?"

"This race called one orbit around their sun a year. They destroyed themselves fifty-four time units prior to our current time which is equivalent to three-hundred and eighty-four of their years. Much of the civilization has decayed beyond reclamation. But the historic creator can re-create almost any facet of their civilization."

"What have you programmed it to re-create?"

"It randomly chose a food substance termed cheese made from bovine excretions. Here, in this nation, they produced a yellow product named cheddar."

"Bovine excretions? Bovines like we've seen on other planets?"

"Apparently."

"And we must ingest it?"

"We are historians. The Grand Historic Council asks for at least some personal assessment of the findings. This is what historians do."

Willon frowned. "As you wish."

As they returned to the ship, Antol's historic preservation indicator flashed. He saw an old dwelling structure.

"Willon, let's look in that building. My indicator states there are some perfectly preserved artifacts in this housing structure."

"How could anything be perfectly preserved after three hundred and eighty four revolutions around their sun?"

"I know not. Let us investigate."

Inside the dwelling, the indicator led them to a large rectangular metal box. Antol grabbed a handle and pulled. The door of the box fell off.

"The historometer shows it to be some type of cooling device. It would remove heat internally to create a cool environment. They used it for food preservation."

"But Antol, the front part has decayed to the point of breaking. Nothing could still be perfectly preserved at this point."

Antol moved dust and trash around on a shelf inside the device and then saw them. Little orange-yellow squares that were quite thin. He grabbed them. "Look at these. Incredible!"

"What are they?"

"I'm uncertain. We can do further examination back at the ship."

As they returned to the ship Antol glanced into the distance. Large structures, many times the size of the home dwelling they'd just left, lay in ruins. Why had this civilization come to this? What factors had led to such a catastrophic collapse?

Entering the ship, Antol placed the orange-yellow preserved squares in the historic discoverer for a reading and pushed the initiation button. He walked to the other side of the ship to the historic creator and opened the random re-creation panel. Inside he found two yellow wedge-shaped substances.

"Are you ready to experience the sustenance substance of beings on this planet?"

"Ready? No. I'll never be ready to consume bovine excretions, but I'll do my job."

Antol handed her the sensory glove. "I've set the gloves to oral sensory mode."

"They ingested this orally?"

"They had what they called buds in their oral cavities which gave them pleasure by ingesting their food in this manner."

"Are all planets this strange?"

"Oh, some are much stranger than this."

Willon exhaled. "Okay. I'm ready."

They both reached out and touched the substance with their gloves.

"What is your assessment, Willon?"

"I am stunned. What did they call this substance?"

"Cheddar."

"This cheddar is magnificent. The pleasure sensations I receive are amazing. Was there nutritional value to this substance?"

"Yes, it seemed to provide nutrients necessary to sustain the ongoing rebuilding of their corporeal frames."

"Amazing. Maybe they were highly intelligent to have discovered this from bovine secretions."

The historic discoverer signaled a finding. Antol walked over and grabbed the results for the orange-yellow squares. "Amazing. A coincidence beyond anything I've ever seen! Remember the yellow squares we found? They are also a cheese substance."

"Startling!"

"Yes. These preserved artifacts are a different type named American cheese."

"But how could bovine excretions endure for that amount of time?"

"There seemed to be a different process of creation for the American cheese which changed its properties. The historic creator estimates the artifacts have a half life of nine-hundred and fifty-three of this planet's years."

Willon looked excited. "Can we also appraise this substance? Is there enough for our ingestion as well as for artifacts?"

"I believe there is." Antol nodded toward the counter. "Please get the gloves again. Did you notice this transparent substance on the exterior of the yellow cheese substance? It is a synthetic polymer that helps extend the longevity of the product. I will remove it."

They both reached forward with their gloves.

"Once again Willon, I ask for your assessment."

Willon tore off the glove, as if in pain. "I feel sick. This substance is horrible. Was this used for torture?"

"Not that I've seen in the records."

Willon shook her head slowly. "It could have been. Regardless, it is nothing less than an atrocity. Please confirm they didn't allow their children to ingest this substance."

Antol's gaze dropped to the floor. "Sadly, they did. Are your thoughts the same as mine?"

Willon nodded. "This cheese product was the reason for the fall of this civilization. In fact, any beings that would allow this American cheese into their nutrient sources deserved this fate. It is pure justice."

"I can only agree."